booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
