careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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