1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
