god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
