Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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