I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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