the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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