do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
These tits shall not be calmed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
