the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
