I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
