8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
one two three fourrrrnication!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
