it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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