Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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