Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
