Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
