dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
