and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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