We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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