I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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