And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
