i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
