I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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