I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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