dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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