good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
