he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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