just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
