just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
