She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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