Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
