I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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