girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
