Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
