Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
