the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
ugly people sure do ruin things
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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