Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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