I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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