"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
