Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
