just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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