I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize