Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
