Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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