just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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