You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
