would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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