So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
