Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
