I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
