Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.