i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
