and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
