okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
