apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
