Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Enjoy the penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how does that bad decision feel?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
