playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
