In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
