NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
