Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
