you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
