It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
