perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
