We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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