I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
