bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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