How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I believe in your delicious
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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