wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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