make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
