i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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