Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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