pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize