ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
