Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it was like eating out sand paper
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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