Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
