I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
